Sunday, June 3, 2012

Monst..I mean Mother-In-Law anyone?

Every woman that has had a serious relationship before has met her partner's ( DUN-DUN-DUN- Scary movie music) Mother.

For most women it's a somewhat intimidating experience, for the most obvious reason of course; and that is..Even if you are dating the toothless, balding spawn of Satan, his mother will scrutinize you to make sure that you are a worthy sacrifice for her "good child"

In Bahamian cultures, you have to worry about being pretty enough, not too "black", questioned about who your "people" are, what you do for a living, and made to prove yourself as a "good Christian girl " before you can earn the blessings of mother dearest.

Once the "blessing" is received by Pope John Mother however, the game has just begun.
Through observation, ( my perpetual disclaimer - because I have not experienced any of this first hand, ehem) There are 3 main types of mothers that we encounter.

1.) Queen of Spades-

 This mom calls a spade a spade. She does not cloak her son's behavior, will not cover for him when side chicks call the house or "drop by"; will listen objectively to a situation that you two are having and be fair in her advice or counsel. She may or may not genuinely love and accept you as her daughter in law, but as a person, she is beautiful to a point of being fair and unbiased. 

Should you date a man with this type of mother, not only are you blessed to be safe to start a "friendship" - calling to say hello and how are you., gift giving, lunch, etc...But you should have a pretty solid, understanding guy that will be willing to not only admit his wrongs, but make them right. And whats better, you love mom so much that you and possibly your children in the future have a better relationship with your husbands family because if the bonds that you both create.

2.) The Joker -

 This mother will be cordial. She will pretend to be evolved enough to accept you for the wonderful, intelligent, kind and/or successful woman that you are, or even just because you love her son. However, beware!!!!!!!!!!!!! This mother is the queen of disguise. Even if she knows her son is slicker than grease, lies more than a dead fish in a fishbowl, or is as romantic as mud , she will always. always, always make her arms and ears a shelter and will give him the reassurance that you are a/the problem.
If you have been "blessed" to have such a mother-in-law or your significant other's mom. Your best survival tip is to just know that he will run to her, and just know that she will keep you the villain at all costs, and be ok with that.  Because she will be all fake smiles when you come around.

Case in point - A friend of mine's husband told his mother that his wife didn't want him to go anywhere  and made noise about him doing anything he enjoyed. The mother's advice - Don't let "her" stress you. Remember you are the head of the house. You're a MAN , you're supposed to go out.'

What that mother did not know was that he was working  from morning til night fall, and on off days and weekends going out to have recreation for at least 5 hours at a time, so that his wife, a working woman, had to play single mother to their son, clean the house, cook the food and rot. (even on her off days, and he refused to help pay for a sitter or housekeeper.) Her free time and recreation as a working individual and woman? Nil. And that wasn't up for discussion.

The mother never suggested taking his wife on a date once every two weeks. She never asked do you spend any time with your family and do something special to balance your much needed time to yourself. She never asked what he was doing or did to ensure that his wife also was entitled to her downtime. She just made the woman a villain straight away, and further made their marriage difficult.

And whenever the wife was around, mommy dearest was all smiles and niceness.

3.) Queen of Hearts -
Without too much details - Just know that she is the Queen of his heart.

Case in Point - As a guy proudly told me that his mother always reminds him  - "I am your Earthly GOD" she says. Wow.......

So you dear girlfriend/wife/fiance- -. Thou shalt not smell thyself and think that you, your ideas, or your needs will EVER come before her and her desires and plans. And further more, You'll never be good enough.

That's it.

The suggestion for you?  -RUN!!!!! I'll wait.

Can I get a witness?