Thursday, May 5, 2011

Friend is spelled differently when "you's Married"

  You sit in your rooms during slumber parties and obsess about your favorite dress; write down your bridesmaid's names and plan your whole ceremony.  Each of you sharing the intricacies of your "perfect day".  Perhaps it was a college dorm room, or the after work social atmosphere, but the bottom line is you were both unmarried and shared dreams of getting there - hopefully at the same time.

   So watch the paradigm shift  (a change from one way of thinking to another) now .

Miseducation of Madison's mom#1 - My friend will be so happy for me, even if I marry before she does!! 

 - This is not always the case my starry eyed friend. Let's not be near the old dirty 30 again .....
And dont let us be from one ragged relationship to another, and then your ass find Mr. Perfect, while we're swimming in a sea of players and bank loan ballers, flipping past a Wedding Story and sucking our teeth.

  Unless you have a friend with the purest of hearts, who truly has you at heart for who you are, or really doesnt see marriage as a big deal anyway, then you may encounter a bit of what I like to recall the reverse elation.
  When you are around - "YEA! Girl I am soo happy for you."
When you are not around, (and occasionally in their head when you are )- "This bitch  girl is always braggin' about this man. She really thinks that she is the cat's meow now...chal' i hope he don't hurt her ..
(eyebrows raised in longing anticipation)

And lets not get around to the wedding plans when they want to make it all about them and don't want to wear the dress you chose and dont want to wear the style you chose and damn near act like they are the main event. :D - You see they are only acting out because of all the pent up reverse elation.

  It may sound cruel. And many of you may deny that you are that friend or that you have that friend, but we all me. Dont expect your friend to "feel" happy for you, because they may not feel happy about not being married in comparison or may be married and unhappy, and there you go finding love- fresh young love.

  But when you have one that friend that genuinely is there for you  and is happy and does not show her ass self off. You've got a winner in the friends department! And that leads us to number 2

Miseducation Note 2 -  "Being Married doesn't mean that you will not spend time with your friends anymore. Youre married now thats all. 

  This has to be the biggest misconception EVER!!!  Listen sweety - life simply takes you for a wild ride. Here are some guidelines for the unmarried and the married that I had to learn the hard way.

1.) You cannot sit up for hours in the people house talkin bout you "visitin". (Wearin shirt showin all ya breas') They really don't want you there. Unless they say they do - in which instance still go!
Life is so hectic - people who are married and have careers and kids rarely have time to spend together. So you being there for hours only makes it worse. Besides the man may wanna scratch his ass butt and walk around in boxers, but you just keep on staying..and staying...and staying.......
This is not your friends single pad or your dorm room anymore.  Take your single butt home..or better yet go out and find some fun. You might meet a guy or have fun with the one you are with.

2.)  She cannot stay out all night with you. Even if her husband is super cool ( like mine** plug - advertisement) and doesn't mind, its just not that kind of party anymore. So don't expect to paint the town red with her every weekend. She may just be too tired too anyway,- she's gotta cook and stuff. :-)

3.)And if youre both married - oh well..that even makes it worse to find the time. sighhh

Good friends make time for each other regardless. But it will never be as much as it was before!  However, you will love the little time you do spend together doing simple things like dinner or drinks or relaxing - even more.

 Miseducation Note 3 - We're friends, I can trust her and tell her anything about my relationship.

SCERRRRRRCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCH. Pleeeeeeeeeaze pump your brakes!

You maaaay be blessed to have a friend that you can really break it down and talk to and cry to and there are no judgements or gossip after, but what are the reprecussions of telling the wrong one?

1.) Be prepared that she will use your dillemma for pillow  talk.

2.) Be prepared for her to tell EVERYONE how you are ALWAYS complaning ( nevermind she didnt tell you that while she was patronizing you)

3.) Be prepared for her to silently bask in the fact that your perfect lil patoutie is miserable.

4.) Be prepared for her to float on a cloud of your misery. What I mean is that she will use your misery as a sort of comparative chart where she stacks herself up to you and your hubby and then floats on how much better her life, husband, situation is. With people like this little Fake Fran - you will only be fueling her little rose colored vehicle that she can ride off into the sunset in.
Why let someone use you to get their jollies?  The next time you go to tell all - think about the romance you may be inciting when she hangs up th phone and kisses and massages her hubby because she is thanking God she didnt get yours!

5.) She really don' care to hear about it...really.

You may be lucky like me to be a really good friend and have some in return, but remember that miseducation you received at that slumber party or in that dorm room.....those fuzzy brain fairy tales...THROW THEM OUT...I had to.

1 comment:

  1. A true friend is a gem but its important to know which are diamonds and which are glass... let those toxic friends go or know which doors to keep closed to them.