Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Women waging war on marriage? Let the romantic expectations be unlearned.

  Hi Guys!!!!!!!!!!

They say if you wanna hide something from folks just put it in writing! But not so for my wonderful friends (YOU!)  Thanks for following once again!

So.....I'll just get straight into my "blogging" today.

 Having a conversation with a few colleagues today..and out of someone's mouth come the words : "Girl...don't do it!...Do not get married!"  

HMMMMMM........This was coming from more than one married woman in the room!

Remember the days when we used to hear that coming from men only? Like.."BRO...YOU POPPIN YA NECK?"
 and women would always be the ones saying : "Girll!...when are you going to do it? you think he will propose? .....You'll be next I knw it, dont worry!...You've gotta cook ofor him..keep him on his toes, dont give to have to make him give you that ring!!!!!!!"..even to the ends of fixing coo coo soup - the ploy to snag a man that would "put a ring on it" was the ultimate goal......The days when marriage to women was the be all and end all of life ay..?..

Well!! Why then were these professional, "decent" , married ( un"hully gully") women, telling another  young woman not to do it, and essentially save herself?

Their main reasons were:

Everyday there's always something else, and you always are dealing with some stressful issue that they want you to get over and get over fast!

  1. Men change after you get married

After Marriage

  1. Men are too laid back and the advancement and upkeep of the family all lies on the woman

  1. We play so many roles that we have no time for ourselves. While men feel free to continue life as usual. (hockey, baseball. drinks with the guys, fishing, golf, 7 days a week- SURE! NO PROB!)

  1. Men don't want vocal women, they prefer the passive aggressve types because any thing they don't want to talk about is nagging

etc, etc, etc...

--Basically they were saying its way too stressful to recommend anyone else do.

Truth or Fiction?

The Miseducation of Madison's Mom Numero Seis: (Thanks Dora!)


 In days past I remember, being the Romantic that I am. :-)  I wrote down my target date for marriage. Yes I said it. I wanted to be 25 years old...this was the prime age. I had prime candidates and terms of endearment all figured out.
Well as the universe would have it,  I actually was about to be married at exactly 6 months short of being 25~ To a most Romantic  trying to hump his "best" girlfriend, and perhaps others when I wasn't looking, but completely 100% perfect when I was around) guy..had a romantic engagement, falling into all my romantic plans........
   So when I had t relocate and I had to put off marriage plans, life was not reading my marriage schedule.
I ended up getting married later on at 29 years old.  With a romantic notion of marriage still.
Which is what most women do.

 Only to realize that marriage takes:
Patience, selflessness, sacrifice, swallowing your pride, swallowing your words, overlooking short comings, and tirelessly holding it all together.

We have to play so many roles that many women are stressed to capacity.

   When the romantic notion of marriage doesn't fit with the glassy eyed man that is sitting in his socks and boxers playing video games when the trash needs to be taken out or there is a hole in the wall where animals are crawling through to play along with him.
And when you are crying he stares at you and says "doh!'' like homer Simpson....what do you do...but think to yourself that marriage is not as "great" as you figured.

Once again- Miseducation is the cause.
We rarely approach marriage from a sober minded, mature and informed perspective; rather from one of romanticism , biological clocks and expectations.

And to be honest most men were not blessed with the best examples, and therefore dont know how to be good husbands, so we have to be understanding as well and so there is a battle on both sides of the fence.
So as wonderful as marriage can stillbe, there are obstacles abounding

We are battling to unlearn our romantic notions....still waiting on the prince charming of the fairy tales and movies.

We are battling to understand that men need us to understand, overlook and accept in marriages.

I personally believe that it is not marriage itself that determines your happiness quotient.but who you marry.
Marriage can be beautiful! Or a nightmare, depending on who are playing your lead roles.

But if we are listening to what most women are now saying.....
Does this mean that marriage really sucks and we ought to encourage our sisters to stand in revolutionary resolve against it and sing WAR to marriage and its confines of inequality and unfair tolerance from women ?

You be the jury.

(In the tune of Bob Marley's song War)

Until the philosophy which hold one gender superior
And another
Is finally
And permanently
And abandoned -
Everywhere is war -
Me say war.

That until there no longer
First class and second class citizens of any nation
Until the a man's gender expectations
Is of no more significance than the colour of his eyes -
Me say war.

That until the basic human rights
Are equally guaranteed to all,
Without regard to gender-
Dis a war.

That until that day
The dream of lasting peace,
and no "nagging"Will remain in but a fleeting illusion to be pursued,
But never attained -
Now everywhere is war - war.

And until the ignoble and unhappy regimes
that hold our sister in holy matrimony,
Sub-human bondage
Have been toppled,
Utterly destroyed -
Well, everywhere is war -
Me say war.


  1. first post got erased. We don’t need to wage war on marriage. We need wage war on our husbands and ourselves. Women need to state from the beginning what they will accept and put their standards upfront. So do men. Know your expectations of each other. You can’t go into these marriages with rose coloured glasses. These pastors in these churches need to stop telling people what their roles are as wives and husbands when it’s not about Christianity and spirituality. Marriage is tailored to the individuals in that marriage. I am married to my husband and he to me so no one need to be telling me what I should or should not do in my marriage. It is for us to decide. Marriage is not a cookie cutter cut out. I told my husband I REFUSE to be a single woman with a husband! Too much of that is going on in the Bahamas. Some of them just there to take up space and be another burden for you to clean up behind, cook for and give leg to. We play up to our strengths. Its not about roles. My mother isn’t the one who did the cooking and cleaning. My dad did. So by some people standards she is not a good wife and yet they just celebrated 37 years.

  2. So true Natasha. So many single women with husbands...

    And also very true that people should stop trying to fit things into boxes where marriage is concerned!

    Good stuff.